


If only

by Kildren



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Character Death, F/F, I don't know what I'm doing, It's late, Mentions of Violence, really just angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 05:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15478767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kildren/pseuds/Kildren
Summary: Years after a fallout between Lena and Kara that resulted in war, the Luthor finally captures Supergirl. They talk about their past and what they could have been, if only they had handled things differently.





	If only

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I'm fairly new to the Supercorp fandom. I haven't watched the show yet, so all my knowledge about the characters are from the fanfics I've read. I've watched a few SDCC 18 interviews as well, and apparently people are waiting to see if Lena turns to the dark side or not. With that in mind, this idea occurred to me and I just had to get it out of my system.
> 
> I haven't written in ages, all mistakes are mine! (it's unpolished but I needed to share)

She stood in front of the door for a moment, taking in deep breaths to calm herself. Finally, she schooled her expression into a mask of indifference, straightened her posture and opened the door. For a brief second she glanced down at her feet to see red light seep out of the room. She shook her head slightly then slipped in as quietly as possible. Inside the room was a cage surrounded by red sun emulators, and in the cage sat a blonde woman clad in a simple white gown with her back against her. Years of being a Luthor was the only thing that stopped her from flinching when the woman spoke. It seemed that her entry hadn’t gone unnoticed despite the lack of her powers on the woman’s part.

“So, this day has finally come.”

It irked the Luthor, the way she spoke as if they were having an everyday conversation over a cup of coffee. “You’re a Super and I’m a Luthor,” she said flatly, as if it explained anything at all.

“Hm. You know, I was expecting being strapped down and surrounded with Kryptonite, not these…” Supergirl gestured with the wave of her hands, “red sun emulators.”

The Luthor chose not to say anything. She walked closer to the cage, but still maintained some distance between the both of them. It had been years since they had been in the same room, let alone had a conversation. The Super seemed to be taking it pretty well, better than she thought.

“Ever since I woke up here all I’ve been thinking of is how, _how_ we past the point of no return,” Supergirl whispered softly. “How we never came out of the shadows of Lex and Kal-El like we wanted to, how we became just like them…like the world had always expected us to be—at odds with one another.”

“You know very well how,” the Luthor snapped, green eyes flashing with anger. “Kara Danvers was the only one in the world who believed in me, the only one I would give my life to and yet, you took her away from me by revealing who you were! Sure, it was a huge blow when I realized that deep down Supergirl just thought of me as another Luthor, but I was able to accept it, to respect it because of what happened between our families. I was ready to do whatever it takes to earn her trust.”

“Lena—”

“Don’t! Don’t you dare say my name! Do you have any idea how I felt, when my only friend turned out to be Supergirl in disguise? Kara was my anchor to all the goodness in the world, she kept me sane when all the odds were against me…and for me to realize that it was all an illusion? To realize that I gave my heart to a lying jackass who didn’t seem to mind stringing me along with lies? God, how did I not know?”

The blonde finally stood up, but she didn’t turn around. Her shoulders were tense, her whole body rigid as she clenched and unclenched her fists, seemingly struggling with words.

“I was prepared for anything. All the excuses you made to rush off during our dates, how you’re sometimes so secretive, not wanting to move in with me nor be intimate with me…I thought, maybe you were second guessing our relationship or that you had found someone else, but you were too good a person to break the news to me. I tried to let you go but I couldn’t. I clung on hopelessly because I knew I’d rather have a piece of you in my life than have you disappear completely.”

“I told you I was trying to keep you safe!” Supergirl blurted out as she whirled around to face her, eyes filled with pain. A wave of memories washed over the Luthor when she gazed into those blue eyes that haunted her every night. She felt her resolve crumble a bit as she recalled their happy past, but she was quick to build her walls back up.

“Keep me safe you say,” she retorted with a scoff. “As a Luthor I was hardly safe from anything, humans and aliens alike. You don’t have to lie; I know you were just keeping an eye on me. Once you knew how vulnerable I really was you took advantage of that and deepened our friendship by feeding me everything I ever wanted—Hope. Trust. Love. You knew the influence you had on me, the _power_ you had over me…back then I’d be willing to do anything you wanted, just so I could have you, keep you. I knew how deep in I was and how unhealthy it was for me, but I couldn’t stop myself because I was an addict for your love. And when you revealed your true self, everything became so clear. I knew what I had to do.”

“I left you alone because I thought you just needed time,” Kara—no, Supergirl said desperately, lips trembling. “I didn’t know that you’d—”

“That I’d sell the company and slip under the radar, only to have Lex and Lillian broken out of prison a few years later? We don’t need to retell the subsequent events do we?”

“You—” the blonde shouted as she slammed a hand against the cage. “You had every right to be angry at me, but you had no right to take it out on my family and every other innocent being on earth!”

“Oh, but I know you. The one thing you were afraid of was losing everything you hold dear, so that’s what I did.”

Fingers curled tightly around the iron bar, so much that her knuckles turned white. “Ka-El didn’t deserve to be hung up high on display like some trophy,” Supergirl choked out. “Alex…oh, Rao, Alex…I had to take her down myself after Cadmus took her away and somehow turned her into a meta-human who barely recognized me! Winn, James, J’onn, Maggie…even Livewire and Silver Banshee…everyone who tried to fight back, and the civilians who lost their lives…they’re all gone because of your personal vendetta against me!”

“Need I remind you that my mother was part of the causality as well?” Despite her damaged relationship with Lillian she felt an unexplainable sorrow when she passed. Lex, on the other hand, took a turn for the worse because their mother had died protecting him from the D.E.O. She shivered slightly when she remembered the day he raided one of the civilian shelters and massacred everyone, piling their bodies into a mountain before setting it ablaze as a message to whoever opposed Cadmus.

“Everyone has experienced loss in this war you raised! Do you have any idea what’s happening to this world?”

“I don’t care what happens to this world!” the Luthor spat venomously. “I was so lost in this world, struggling to be good, fighting to make a name for myself! Everything fell apart when Kara was no longer in my life! I didn’t have a reason to try anymore because the first and last person I was open to trusting didn’t trust me back. I was broken and torn, you can’t even imagine!”

“You don’t think I’ve felt torn about us?” the blonde snarled. “Ever since I landed on this earth, there was not a day where I could be Kara Zor-El! I struggled with being both Kara Danvers and Supergirl, something was always missing. When I met you, when we became friends, I didn’t tell you because I wanted to keep you safe. You already had too many enemies because of your family; you didn’t need mine as well. But when we became lovers I was happy! You saw me as Kara Danvers and nothing more, and I needed that, I needed someone to be vulnerable with! And then I thought, maybe, just maybe you would be able to love me as Kara Zor-El if I came clean about the real me. That if I told you, we’d have nothing to fear because we would be stronger together…” she trailed off, the anger in her voice dissipating with each sentence, replaced by hurt. “But in the end I lost you, and everyone I ever cared about.”

“It’s too late now…Kara Zor-El,” Lena said stiffly.

“Rao…if only…”

“If only,” she echoed quietly.

They lapsed into silence. Lena took the opportunity to properly look at Kara. The Girl of Steel hadn’t changed a lot over the years due to her alien physiology. It took everything the Luthor had in her to stand still, to stop remembering how those luscious golden curls felt as they once slipped through her fingers, how soft her pink lips were when they kissed languidly under the night sky…and how she’d always found refuge in those ocean blue eyes that always sparkled with mirth.

Kara was the first to break the silence, as she always did. “Am I the only one who believes we could have been something different?”

The Luthor just held her gaze, wondering what the blonde would say next.

“I…I imagined me and you getting married,” Kara started, with a nervous laugh. “I’d follow the Krypton tradition and gift you a bracelet made of beautiful gems I had gathered throughout the universe, because you deserve nothing less. We’d buy a modest house with a backyard and host game nights and barbeque events for our friends. Eventually we’d talk about having kids.”

“I’d be terrified to death,” Lean spoke, surprising both Kara and herself. “I’d spend every minute worrying whether I’d be a good mom or not because of my relationship with Lilian, and you’d be there reassuring me that I’d be the best in the universe. I’d insist on having our own instead of adopting because I’d want you to pass on the history of Krypton to our children…we’d have three at most.”

The Super smiled. “Rao! Life would be chaotic with our children displaying powers at a young age. Maybe they’d float out of their cribs, or accidently set something on fire with their heat vision. I’d—I’d ask Ka-El for help because he grew up on Earth, unlike me,” she paused briefly. “I’d hope they’re more like you, beautiful and smart instead of just muscles like me.”

“You sell yourself short, Kara,” Lean said softly. They both knew she was more than that. “I’d wish they’d have your eyes and kind soul, not to mention they’d inherit your humongous appetite as well. We’d have three fridges in our house and I’d make you guys eat healthy at least three days a week.” She let out a small laugh when the Super scrunched her nose. “When they grow up we would let them choose to be whoever they want to be, whether a Super or CEO of L-Corp, or something else entirely.”

“I’d spend every day of my life making sure they’d be proud to call themselves a Luthor,” Kara whispered.

Lena’s eyes widened at the admission. Kara had imagined taking her name, and for their children to be Luthors? She quickly dropped her gaze because this was too much. After everything that had happened, after all those years…what they just talked about would only remain a dream.

“From the moment I chose this path, I knew there was no going back. Imagine all you want, but we live in this world, this reality.” She hated how strained her voice sounded.

“…you’re right,” Kara sighed. “I’m just glad it’s you. In the end, I’d rather die by your hands than anyone else’s. Will you do it? Will you honour my last request?”

Before she could answer the door swung open. “Well, well, dear sister. I think you’ve been talking long enough,” Lex said as he strolled in leisurely. “It’s about time, don’t you think?”

“Shut it, Lex,” she snapped while turning towards him. “We agreed that she’s mine so I’ll do whatever I like, whenever I like.”

“Ah, still as uncooperative as ever,” he said lightly. He chuckled and held his hands up in surrender when Lena glared at him. “I just thought you might need this.”

Lena stared at the gun he pulled out. “And I thought I just told you, I’m the one who dictates her fate.”

“You know we can never be at ease until she’s dead. Who knows if the few remaining members of the resistance will show up? We can never be too cautious.”

It was obvious to Lena that it was just blatant mistrust on Lex’s part. He wasn’t afraid of the remaining resistance in the slightest. In his eyes she was still nothing but weak and incapable of killing. “Even though Supergirl is rendered powerless, you think I’d come here without a weapon?” she scoffed while revealing her own gun.

“Then what are you waiting for?”

In one swift motion, Lena pointed the gun towards her target and pulled the trigger. The shot rang loud and clear, followed by the thud of a body. She threw her gun onto the floor and heard it slide to a stop as she stared absentmindedly at the body. Without a word she left the room and over rid the access panel so that she alone could enter the room. She could deal with the aftermath later, because right now she needed a bottle of Scotch and a good night’s rest.


End file.
